Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
