After last night, I could never be a politician.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize