Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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