Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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