We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
