If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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