im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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