so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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