Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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