Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
