RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This couple is walking their pig around campus
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize