Got a toothbrush?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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