Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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