I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
