I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
