i jhust puked up my retainher.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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