Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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