things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
