Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
