I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
