Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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