Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
