At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
