is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize