I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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