am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
