That's intense
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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