escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
