He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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