and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
