is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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