what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
