so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we're so committed to being not committed
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
