I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
