I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
