Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
