she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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