If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
