Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
