i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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