it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
