I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
