Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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