So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
