he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
