There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
