To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
