Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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