I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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