I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
