People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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