I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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