Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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