Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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