I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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