so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
