Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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