i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
