Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
