You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
