Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
