There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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