He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize