dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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