I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
