The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
