yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
