I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
